West Michigan On Edge After Man Has Multiple Sexual Encounters With A Cucumber at the Kalamazoo Bus Station
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West Michigan is on edge tonight after multiple people were caught in a stare off with Quinton Tyrese Shepard also known as Quinton Todd Carpenter this evening. Reports show that he was bent over in the downtown Kalamazoo metro station bathroom pleasuring himself to a cucumber. Citizens called the Public Safety department where officer Ryan Shaz arrived on the scene.
"We've never seen anything like this come from a sober person, so we are assuming he is under the influence of crack."
Deputy Ryan also stated that Mr. Shepard chased citizens down Kalamazoo Ave with the cucumber trying to get people to eat it.
"It smelled like poop" a resident in a nearby house said. She asked to remain nameless.
If anyone has any information regarding this matter please call 269-462-6457 annonomysly.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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