EU bureaucrats rush through Comedy Mod legislation before Brexit.
Sunday 17 November 64008 Shares
In a surprise move designed to side track the British government's negotiating stance on Brexit, EU officials in Brussels appear to have outflanked the Tories by making it illegal to dress like, act like, support, or claim to be a Comedy Mod. In a sweeping range of drastic legislation, EU leaders have also bought in powers to detain any overweight females attempting to wear Mod style mini skirts, making it illegal to adorn any P-range Vespa with lights or mirrors, buying old rally patches from Ebay and claiming to have been there and the purchase of any compilation Ska CD's from supermarkets. Fines of up to €20,000 or 6 month's imprisonment are likely to be enforced by an EU wide taskforce, working in liaison with genuine 1980's scooterboys. In the most drastic piece of legislation, anyone sporting a Paul Weller style haircut is likely to face instant imprisonment and on the spot tar and feathering.
Terry Orton, who runs the Otley-by-sea Central Targets Scooter club, stated 'This is victimisation of the worst kind by unelected big wigs in Brussels. If me and my wife want to take the kids to a scooter rally in our Winnebago, we should be allowed to dress and act how we like, without any interference from the EU' . When asked about the type of scooter he has, Terry admitted that his wife wouldn't allow him to get one, although he had once brushed past a Modena in a pub car park that he thought he could probably handle, as long as it didn't have any of those twisty handlebar gear things.
People Who Own Horses Are Horse Owners An extensive five month study revealed that people who are in possession of a horse are indeed horse owners. Many such individuals have a history of horse ownership in the past and have actively ridden a horse in the past or continue to actively ride a horse. Research had shown there are exceptions and some horse owners do not actively engage with their horses and allow other "non-owners" to ride their horses. Local stable owners declined to comment on this article.
Studies show that women who own horses live 15 longer than those who don't. Recent studies done in Western NC, Northern Virginia and northern Florida involving various groups of "horsey" and non "horsey women are showing some startling results. The double blind study followed women in different age groups over a forty year time frame to capture this objective data. The study grouped women into two groups of horse (for at least five years) & non-horse owners and then further into ten year age spans. The most significant spike in longevity came at the 65-75 age span which showed highest disparity at 20 longer lives for horse women. Researchers point to the facts of higher forms of exercise, outdoor exposure and socialization of the horse women as likely contributing to the longevity but the women agree that their horses often contribute to their sense of well-being and as a group, these women also tended to be less symptomatic in high blood pressure, diabetes and general heart conditions.
Local Cinderford man caught having sex with Injured wild boar while drunk Today a local Cinderford man has been caught trying to have sex with an injured wild boar while under the influence of alcohol, police have today said that the man is currently under investigation for charges of beastiality and drunken disorderly behaviour...........
Police Find Satanic Ritual Dungeon Inside Abandon Johnson City Skate Park. Johnson City, NY - Authorities have identified skeletal remains of at least 4 1/2 teenagers in the basement of the abandoned East Coast Terminal rollerblading park in Johnson City, NY, a suburb of Binghampton, NY. The teens were last seen on nearby Corliss Ave. as they waited outside the building attempting to get photos and autographs from popular hard rock band Earth-crisis. Detectives believe the teens died as part of a satanic ritual in part because of the amount of Hot Topic receipts found near the remains. Also, a CD, Iron Maiden - Brave New World (2000), was found in one of the teens portable disc man players. More details as this story develops.
Greensburg clown found eating a live cat. Late last night Greensburg police received a phone call from a worried resident saying "she heard very concerning sounds coming from an alley way near her house". Upon arrival officers instantly heard the noise she was talking about but never expected what they where about to see. Upon investigation they found a 21 year old male dressed as a clown eating a live cat who's legs were zip tied together. The cat was still crying for help as the individual was seemingly eating around the vital spots prolonging it's death. When he noticed the officers he started petting the cat and told the officers "curiosity killed the cat, I wanted to see if it tasted like Chinese food." He was non resistant during arrest however did not have identification when asked his name he always replied "furball munchinsrein the clown". In the holding cell it was reported he kept calling to a female officer "here kitty kitty kitty" she eventually approached him and said what he reportedly said "I wonder if you taste like Chinese food come on just let me get one little bite" and continued to bite at the cells bars. He is now in a high security prison for the criminally insane. It was reported that in the asylum he bit open his own fingers and painted himself as a clown with his own blood and refuses to answer questions and instead meows. His trial is on the 31st however police say they doubt he will ever be allowed back into society.