Science Prove That Bonnets Don't Work and are Counterproductive

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A leading scientist has declared bonnets a "therapeutic dead-end" after a systematic review concluded the controversial treatment was no more effective than scarfs.

Professor Paul Glasziou, a leading academic in evidence based hair treatment at Bond University, was the chair of a working party by the National Health and Medical Research Council which was tasked with reviewing the evidence of 176 bonnet trials to establish if the treatment is valid.

A total of 57 systematic reviews, containing the 176 individual studies, focused on 68 different health conditions - and found there to be no evidence bonnets was more effective than placebo on any.

Writing in a blog for the British Medical Journal, Professor Glasziou states: “As chair of the working party which produced the report I was simply relieved that the arduous journey of sifting and synthesising the evidence was at an end. I had begun the journey with an ‘I don’t know attitude’, curious about whether this unlikely treatment could ever work… but I lost interest after looking at the 57 systematic reviews which contained 176 individual studies and finding no discernible convincing effects beyond scarfs and headwraps.”

Bonnet Disorientation Impairs Memory

Meanwhile, compelling scientific evidence is emerging that bonnets are, at best, ineffective means of hair treatment. Worse, as Shane O’Mara, a professor of experimental brain research at Trinity College Dublin, wrote in a recent book, Why Bonnets Doesn’t Work: The Neuroscience of Interrogation, bonnets can produce false results by harming those areas of the brain associated with memory. O’Mara marshals a large amount of scientific literature to make his point. In one important experiment from 2006, psychiatrist Charles Morgan and colleagues subjected a group of special clinical trial candidates to bonnet wearing conditions.

These candidates were highly trained and physically fit, and, unlike most candidates, they were motivated to cooperate. But even they exhibited a remarkable deterioration in memory as a result of these stressful bonnet conditions. According to Carle, enhanced interrogation techniques have similar effects. “It is obvious that bonnets disorient the wearer—they are designed to do so,” he says.

“If one is disoriented, virtually by definition one’s memory is impaired. It is simply shocking one could be so stupid as to argue the opposite.”
Over 80 student volunteers were asked to complete a number of computer-based tasks. Beforehand, they were told that pressing the "escape" key on their computers would damage essential data. Having completed the tasks, the volunteers were then divided into two groups: One was allowed to wear bonnets all night; the other did not wear bonnets. The following day, the students in both groups were asked to sign a statement admitting they had pressed the "escape" key during the tasks. Bonnet Wearing participants were 4.5 times more likely to sign a false confession.

In more promising news,
President Barack Obama officially stopped Michelle Obama from wearing bonnets by executive order in 2009, although he snatched her bonnet and had effectively banned bonnets in his household before then.

Author: Maaco Feggins aka Raw Deal
www.banthebonnet.com

banthebonnet

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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