West Toledo Man Found Dead Face Down in Gutter

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A well-known fixture of the Westgate area in West Toledo has passed away, police have reported. The man, Gregory Darnell, was found faced down in the street near a sewer grate.
Neighbors nicknamed Darnell "The West Toledo Wanderer" since he could always be seen walking between his Central Avenue home and the BP at Secor and Central (NBP). Mr. Darnell was a self-employed handyman working bi-weekly who was always looking to make a few extra dollars.
"We hired him a few times, and wanted to hire him to work one of our parties as a equestrian themed costumed character, but ultimately decided his lack of work ethic disqualified him," said a former neighbor who declined to be identified. Other neighbors agreed. "The first time he came to my door, I nearly laughed in his face, but realized he was serious, so I hired him for five bucks to take some Christmas lights my neighbors have left up until March. He didn't do a very good job when I hired him to rake leaves, so I decided to quit using him. Unfortunately, he didn't take the hint and cut the grass without asking and still expected payment."
Darnell's cause of death was unknown. "This case hasn't taken high priority, so we don't really know what happened, but eventually someone will get around to it," said Officer Randy Kozlowski of the Toledo Police Department and member of Gesu's parish. Funeral arrangements are pending. In other news, the Woman's Auxiliary of Lincolnshire is having it's annual bake sale. Mrs. Peterman's brownies are a crowd favorite!

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.