Tifton Man arrested for Penis slapping "the haters"

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A 30 year old Tifton man was apprehended at his residence late Friday night under suspicion of assault. Dustin Kelley has been accused by several individuals for slapping them with his penis at random. Reports state and many witnesses have come forward and named Kelley as the suspect.
"It just happened all of a sudden" says a woman who asked to remain anonymous. "As I walked my dog towards my home, I looked back and bam! I was struck across the face with a penis." The witness also stated that as the suspect fled, she saw his face and recognized him as the upcoming Rapper Hymaginn, better known as Dustin Kelley.
Another witness and victim also asked to remain anonymous but said that as she exited her vehicle, she was slapped by a penis and knocked back into her car. She also recognized the suspect as Mr. Kelley.
The investigation is ongoing and Kelley is being held in the Tift county Jail. His bond was set at $5000. When asked by authorities the reason for the random attacks, Kelley stated that his reason was simple.. He's tired of the haters and plans to slap them all with his penis, one by one until they put some respect on his name.
More details will be giving on this case as more information comes forward. Local authorities urge all Tifton residents to be aware of their surroundings at all times. If Kelley is seen and you know you're a hater, please run in the other direction.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.