Harambe edges past Hillary in new poll

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We reported an unlikely surge in a candidate whom many do not consider to be a viable contender for office. Harambe does not fit the age, species, or living qualification to sit in the oval office. However, almost all of the southeast has seen him emerge as the best chance for a third party candidate in our nation's history. Citizens proclaim that our government would best work without either candidate. The FBI's decision to reopen the investigation into Mrs. Clinton have caused her approval ratings to fall nearly to the level of Trump. Donald Trump has also been losing steam, as his wife recently relocated him to the couch for "being a total creeper". Reports also suggest that Trump's dog may have run away due to the wall built around the estate. Gary Johnson and Jill Stein cling to their image of relevance similarly to the lady in Titantic who pushes Leo off of the table in the ending. However, we recently uncovered the fact in a secret investigation that Gary Johnson may be delusional, and strongly suspect that Jill Stein is weird. Harambe declined to comment, because of death and incapibility.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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