One-legged man wanted for murder
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In scenes described as "being right out of a horror movie", the mangled body of a tall, thin, Essex man, was pulled from the river in Tilbury Docks overnight.
The body had been burned, hacked, shot, stabbed, laminated and beheaded, and the remaining torso was only identified thanks to the contents of his wallet, which the murderer had forgotten to remove.
Eyewitness accounts of the incident report a, "Shifty-looking, one-legged man" running (or rather limping) away from the scene.
More updates as we get them...
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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