Local man charged with murder after killing intruder with his penis
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Apalachin man, James Wheelock, was charged with murder, after it was alleged he savagely beat an intruder with his penis. According to Police reports, Wheelock said he was watching his favorite episode of The Little Rascals, when he heard glass breaking. Wheelock said he always watches his show in the nude, while sitting in his recliner. He said he was quite surprised when a masked male entered the room and said he started to panic. Wheelock said he was scared but also angry that his favorite episode of The Little Rascals was interupted. He said he knew he had to defend himself, so he grabbed the first thing he saw. Unfortunately for the intruder, the first thing Wheelock saw was his 13" penis. Wheelock said the intruder tried to retreat, but didn't make it very far. He said he lassoed this male with his penis and then repeatedly struck him in the face with it. Authorities said it was the most violent beating they have ever seen and said Wheelock showed no remorse. Authorities further stated that Wheelock was charged because the male tried to retreat.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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