Obama Starts Promising New Career in the Manure Industry
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When he was president, many opponents accused him of having little work experience outside of politics. Now, in his post presidential life, Barack Obama is starting a venture that could bring untold value to the domestic farming industry as a high volume manure producer.
Former President Barack Obama, less than 100 days out of office, has agreed to speak at a Wall Street conference run by Cantor Fitzgerald LP, senior people at the firm confirm. Most industry analysts agree that this one speech alone could generate more manure than is needed to fertilize the state of California for one crop year. This comes at a time when California's booming marijuana industry is putting a squeeze on agricultural resources, threatening more traditional crops.
Sebastian J. Budblaze, a marijuana farmer in the California Central Valley, had this to say. "Like, it was getting to be a real bummer man, finding enough quality manure. But this is where the Bama-man (sic) is saving the day for us righteous dudes again. He just ummm, opens his mouth and tons and tons of crap come out. Like, it's just raining crap. Brahhh... I can't even!!"
But not everyone is happy with former president Obama's impact on agriculture resourcing. Mack Cattlesmacker is a rancher from Wyoming who sells manure from his herd as an alternate source of revenue. "Dang ol' Muslim communist did it to us again! I used to get about 320 a ton for quality manure. Now, I can't hardly give it away; not when Obama can just show up and start yapping... crap starts flying everywhere. Dagnabit!"
As former president Obama's speaking engagements pile up, the full impact of the tangential domestic manure production still has yet to be seen, but there is little disagreement that manure will be easier to come by.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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