Shocking New Study Reveals Deadly Nature of the Wheel
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(7/17/17 - Natural Truth News) A new study has revealed what many have suspected for centuries - that wheels are the primary cause of everything bad in this world, providing more momentum to California's proposed wheel ban, Prop 72 (also known as the “Mandatory Ban on Unnatural Round Things that Roll”). But that may be just the tip of the iceberg.
In a study published in the peer reviewed Indonesian Journal "Understanding Stuff," French and Chinese acupuncture researchers report a startling discovery that suggests that it may not just be wheels, but circles that are the true root of all the world's ills. Perhaps more shocking, they found a very close correlation between wheels and circles.
The bona fide and accredited research team conducted a completely random, triple blind, placebo controlled study in which they placed a variety of geometric shapes on an incline. "All the shapes stayed right where we put them, EXCEPT THE CIRCLES! We had absolutely no control," leading French researcher Gilles-Eric Séralooni to conclude, "we need to at least ban the wheel for now while we attempt to understand this DANGEROUS phenomena."
The report goes on to say: “We've known for years that automobiles are responsible for massive DEPOPULATION. 1.3 million people died last year alone in automobile related accidents. Up until now, we didn't really understand how. Now we have a mechanism, the instability of the circle and its relationship to the wheel.”
According to Health Ranger and Natural News founder, Mike Adams, “Wheels aren't natural, so obviously they are BAD. Wheels interfere with the earth's natural gyro-harmonic oscillation balance, and are causing the earth's axis to tilt. This new research also proves that wheels are circles, which are powerful symbols in the occult and with the Illuminati. If we don't ban wheels now, the earth will crash into the sun before the end of this century, ACCORDING TO THEIR PLAN. But we do have products, available on our website, that will alleviate the most horrendous side effects.”
Natural Truth News has learned that many huge and EVIL CORPORATIONS, particularly the automobile and marble industries, have poured more than $7.3 million into fighting California's Proposition 72.
Wheel ban advocate, Jenny McCarthy, says that this is “proof positive of something or other!" and continues, "Why would a corporation spend so much money if it weren't.”
Since the study's release, Russia has completely banned all wheels, causing transportation, trade, and most sports to grind to a halt. Russian UN Ambassador Yuri Chilikova has addressed the concern (in a very thick Russian accent): “Reporting of MASS HYSTERIA and DEATH completely exaggerated. There will exist no doubt adjustment period, but Russian people are strong, and we need to stop scourge of wheel that has been perpetrated against people of world by American pig-dog automobile and marble making despots!”
Health care advocate, Dr. Joseph Mercola agrees, “If this whole wheel circle connection holds up to further research, it will explain a wide range of health and safety issues. Have you ever noticed that many poisonous medications are cylindrical? Well, there are circles involved in that equation. Syringes used in DEADLY VACCINES? Also cylindrical. Airplanes have wheels, no? CHEMTRAILS, 9/11? Starting to get the picture? No. Im not crazy. Why do you ask?”
Adams summed it up best, “It has now become crystal clear that there have been AGENTS OF EVIL that have attempted to control the population, through unnatural means, for centuries. From our attempt to control fire, to the invention of the wheel, and to crop and animal domestication - from cross breeding to genetic engineering, and from germ theory to vaccines, nearly every aspect of our daily lives has been manipulated. If we only had the courage to ignore the supposed benefits of these evil technologies, just think where we would be right now.”
~Bob Akimbo - The Truth Ranger
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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