Farts can kill you!
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Do you fart? well we've got bad news for you.
In a new study at Berkeley, farts aren't only musical, they are also deadly; not just when they're silent.
Scientists say the methane in farts can slowly eat away at your colon leaving dozens of fissures over your life time. Once there are fissures, the deadly gas can seep it's way into your blood stream through the small cuts and lead to methane toxicity levels at least 4 times higher than the safe limits a body can handle, in some cases.
Looks like we'll be holding them in from now on, unless...
A shocking new procedure bypasses the colon and directs the gas right from the stomach to the anus. The procedure involves inserting a very soft and flexible tube made of chemically inert materials into the anus. It bends around the corners of your intestines all the way up to the stomach, essentially creating a rubber intestine.
The procedure is still in experimental phases and is said to cost around $14,000.
The study says that with this procedure, the lowered or nullified levels of methane toxicity could extend lifespans up to 15 years.
Could this be the first ubiquitous body modification step humans take towards extending lifespans?
Carl Manestisma of the National Institute for Gaseous toxicity Awareness says: "if humans aren't prepared for these types of modifications, lifespans will not be able to extend beyond what the are currently". Adding that if we were to accept such a procedure, "life expectancy could be around 95 years old by the year 2031".
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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