Garrett County Maryland to become Gay Hub Zone

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Recently, Maryland legislators announced that Garrett County, Maryland (the westernmost county in the state) will become the first "gay" hub zone in the state. Gay hub zones will be cultural centers for homosexual Marylanders. As part of gay hub-zone status, 60 percent of local businesses will be required to be owned by gay Marylanders.

"It's our hope that by making Garrett County a gay hub-zone, we can break up the unabashed conservatism that dominates the area and encourage diversity. Hopefully, it will encourage conservative Western, Marylanders to migrate out to neighboring West Virginia." Said Emmanuel Shriver, MD state senate president.

"The area is economically stifled, largely due to low wages and conservative business practices. Studies have shown that businesses owned by homosexual people offer better wages, more competitive hours and a stronger working environment. We are hopeful that gay hub-zone status will bring that to Western, Maryland." Shriver continued.

Yet, not everyone in Western, Maryland is pleased with the decision. Local minister Edward (Ed) Tilling is upset. "We are a religious area, the last thing we want is to be told by our state government the area must embrace the gay culture. We voted for Donald Trump here and thought that by doing so, we would get gas wells and rough necks. Now we are getting the gays. If we are going to be a hub-zone, it should be one that denies science and facts."

The state of Maryland has invested 5 billion dollars into the project, giving a host of gay families in the state interest-free small business loans that require no repayment for up to 15 years. Tommy Joe, a Baltimore based entrepreneur received a state loan to start a gay party planning service in Garrett County. "Yes, I am flamboyant, I am fun, I am everywhere. I can't wait to start bringing rock steady beats and early morning fun to Garrett County. Better lock up the kids, it's going to be crazy."

Maryland is the first state to try to balance conservatism in red counties by establishing gay hub-zones.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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