Vincent Harris Discovers Secret to Fast Food Efficiency
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Trenton resident Vincent Harris has finally revealed the results of his ten year study involving the Poison Dart Tree Frog from South America.
Long having been annoyed by fast food chains not living up to the "fast food" model they were built upon, Harris wondered if he could apply the survival of the fittest concept to improve the speed with which food is served.
To do so, Harris hypothesized that if he could incapacitate all of the slow performers by placing them in a frog poison induced coma, that only fast and efficient employees would be left to work. Thus, the speed of service would see a significant improvement.
First, Harris genetically modified the poison to selectively target only what he called the "dead asses" of the fast food world. Then, he released hundreds of the frogs in a few pre-selected fast food chain stores.
The results varied. It had the unexpected consequence of incapacitating everyone in some locations. However, in others, where fast and efficient workers were employed, only the "dead asses" became comatose.
Harris stated that once the project is better funded, and he has deatlt with federal charges stemming from unlawful use of Dart Frog poison obtained through a string of down and out gypsies he met at the North Central Missouri Fair in 1986, more tests will be conducted at further locations.
"One day, the iced tea you order will still have ice in the cup when you get it" Harris claimed. "But then again, maybe not. We are now facing Dart Frog shortages. If it's not one thing, it's another."
Harris did want people to know he will not be testing the local China Fresh, stating "Oh, hell no. I love that place......Dude!"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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