BREAKING: RISE IN STD SEES GROWTH IN LOCAL BRADDOCK COMMUNITY
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Shocking news breaks today, as Braddock communities see's a spike in STD rates. After reviewing new data released by NIH.gov, Allegheny Department of Health, Planned Parent Hood, and the urban league, officials at the ACFDC (Allegheny Center For Disease Control) have discovered that many Braddock women are responsible for many new cases of spread of diseases including Herpees, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, AIDS, staphylococcus and even the first know case of sexually transmitted Ebola Virus.
While interviewing one resident, he reports, "Man you know these -expletives- out here, sleeping with every Tom, Dick, Harry, and you know they carrying something by they way they look at you... They burning like kerosene draws. But me i just try to stay out the way and always get tested. Man's not hot, man can never be hot...", says, Clarence Johnston, age 54....
When we interviewed Mayor Fetterman, locally coined, "Braddock's own Fetty Wop" he says he's not surprised, yet he's doing everything to get the word out to the surrounding communities to "sort-of quarantine, if you will, the problem"...with an illustrious use of well placed air quotes. He continues by stating that this problem can only be solved by curing the infected, and limiting sexual intercourse to monogamous mating rituals. Still yet, he continues echoing the words of Alabama street prophet, Antoine Dodson, "hide ya kids, hide ya wife...they raping everyone out here".
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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