A Dublin Judge has ruled The Edge "Unremarkable" In Landmark Court Case.
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Late Friday afternoon controversial French-born Dublin District B Royal Courts judge Jacques Lacan ruled in favor of local activist group "Properly Assess the Merits or lack thereof, The Edge", who claims the widely admired U2 guitarist has "contributed to a rather jangly electric guitar tone" that they report has "soured the ears of a generation of music enthusiasts against significantly more memorable guitar tone in various associated rock genres", and has ruined the fortunes of local guitar instructors who, after teaching their students to play D, A, and E chords in root position are said to have spent inordinate amounts of time stapling cheaply produced advert leaflets to the city's phone poles, at times dangerously close to speeding traffic.
Additionally cited was an increase in Carpal Tunnel Syndrome which they say was due to repetitive stapling to recently replaced hard wood poles - said replacement a clear collusion with The Edge and misguided city planners, they say.
However, orthopedic surgeons from 3 major Dublin hospitals testified that the growing business of repairing carpal tunnel syndrome was welcome.
As an aside, the judge struck down a proposed city ordinance limiting the number of "stomp boxes and other signal path devices" used by guitarists in live performance to 3.
The Edge declined to comment but the Dublin Pole Driver's 5th District Union was said to have sheepishly agreed with the Judge's finding in the case that - while the case lacked coherency and was therefore unpersuasive, The Edge's chops are "decidedly unremarkable" and should be dismissed.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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