George Washington to be Removed from $1 Bill and Quarter Due to Sexual Abuse Allegation
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Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin announced today that George Washington's image will no longer be on the $1.00 bill or quarter. According to Washington insider, historian, and general good guy Frank Harrison, it was reported to CNN that a source who has a friend who has an acquaintance that knows a woman who's relative was sexually abused by the founding father. She stated that her great-great-great-great-great grandmother was sexually harassed by Washington. According to this anonymous source, President Washington gave her several glancing smiles on or about October of 1794. These glances made her feel uncomfortable and gave the impression that he wished to engage in relations with her. Although the sexual glance took place 223 years ago and nearly 10 generations, the unnamed anonymous source said she can finally rest having come forward. It was also announced that the Washington Monument's name will be changed to the “Pelosi-Schumer Large Pointy Thing”. The new image for the dollar bill and quarter, will feature a image of a gender neutral snowflake of no specific color, ethnicity, or religion, as this best represents our current society. In a related story, Bill O'Reilly announced his next book will be entitled, “KILLING WASHINGTON”.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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