Biathlon Banned In Wake Of Mass Shootings
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The IOC has voted to cancel all remaining Biathlon events for the 2018 Winter Games in response to outcries over mass shootings in schools and the mounting death toll from Gun Violence. "The recent tragedy in Florida and the countless other mass shootings in recent years has underscored the need for drastic change," said IOC President Dr. Thomas Bach at a Friday press conference. "When we hear on the news about yet another young person using a gun to randomly kill innocent people, we must ask ourselves 'are we not to blame?'" After pausing to wipe away tears, Dr. Bach continued, "Would these lives have been lost if not but for our culture's glamorization of these biathletes?"
Biathlete Lowell Bailey (USA) expressed disappointment at the cancellation of the remaining Biathlon events but agreed that the IOC's decision was "...the right thing to do."
"These things are just plain evil," said Bailey as he held his small-bore rifle, "but they sure are a lot of fun."
As pigeons gathered nearby to fight over the remains of a sandwich on the ground, Bailey lifted his rifle, took aim, and fired.
"Got 'em!" said Bailey, as a bird was instantly transformed into a cloud of feathers.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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