RICHARD ESCAPES FROM PRITCHARD

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All has been well in Seattle's southern communities since the lifeguards' depart from Pritchard Beach just six months ago. But as it turns out, they did not take everything (or everyone) with them. Richard, a beach Lifeguard, was mysteriously left behind.

"I think we all felt as though Richard was too much a part of the beach to leave it behind at the summer's end," says Lifeguard manager and multiple time Greenlake Games champion Taylor Prskalo. "As cruel as it may seem, leaving him locked in the beach's office was the most plausible solution at the time."

Senior guard and college student Andrew Stevens also had a few words to say on the matter. "Richard was a friend of us all. None of us wanted to leave him behind, but it was necessary. Besides, somebody had to stay behind to use the rest of the coconut oil. There was almost half a tub left."

The decision to leave Richard behind might have gone without consequence, too, if it wasn't for the mysterious XV3185 wreaking havoc on the local neighborhoods. It is estimated that this is what set Richard free, as seen in the picture taken by beach local and neighborhood bully Keevan No-Known-Last-Name.

So where is Richard now? Does he seek revenge? We intercepted Cooper Berrysmith on his routine bike ride to get some answers. "Rumor has it that Richard came from the pipe beyond the dock. Shoot, I think he's just trying to get back to his home."

As a sparsely known man of few words, it is unlikely that we will hear from Richard anytime soon. Be sure to check back for more Pritchard news.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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