Jimmy Duarte, 28 attempted to steal 20 cases of IPA and organic muffins.
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Very sad story here in Arlington today.
Jimmy Duarte, 28 hispanic male attempted to steal 20 cases of IPA and organic muffins at Whole Foods Grocery store. He was last seen tormenting whites at the whole foods grocery store in Clarendon.
Witnesses say that he is armed with a sword and dangerous. We interviewed a few shoppers earlier and managed to find out the situation. Duarte pulled up to the checkout station with a cart full of IPA beer and Organic Muffins. When the cashier asked for payment Duarte bucked at the cashier and raised his hand making a letter “C” and screeching “KUWOP!” Scaring And distressing all the white civilians around him. It wasn’t until a flock of liberal vegans managed to chase him out of the store with their wheat grass shots and tofu.
Duarte is still at large, he’s armed and very dangerous. This criminal is most likely to be spotted at your local Whole Foods. If you see him please contact your local authorities so that we may bring this criminal justice.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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