Betsy Devos visits public schools for first time
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I caught up with Secretary of Education, Betsy Devos during her visit to Stirling Archer Elementary School, her first visit to a public school since her appointment to the position.
"What do you hope to accomplish during this visit, Mrs. Devos?" I asked her, while she shook down two students for their lunch money.
"I'm here to get more funding for private schools." Mrs. Devos replied, pocketing the $4.50 the students had surrendered.
"And what about funding for the public school sector?" I asked. I had to run to keep up, as Mrs. Devos had spotted a particularly nerdy student opening his locker.
"The teachers seem to be doing just fine covering expenses." Mrs. Devos said while patting the student down. "The real victims here are the private schools. Their profits are down, and we're doing everything we can to address this massive inequality. Why do public schools have to take all the tax dollars?"
The student began to cry, but Mrs. Devos continued, unphased. "Look, I was hired to do a job, and perhaps you don't understand, but it's a lot of work to destroy these kids' lives, but in the end, it will be worth it. Some of these kids really need a come to Jesus moment in their lives, and I aim to give that to them, by taking away what little they have."
Mrs. Devos then snatched two nearby students, who stood terrified while she used them for a photo op.
"I'm here, doing all this, because someone has to look out for the future of these children. I'm doing everything in my power to ensure that they won't have one to look forward to."
Mrs. Devos then indicated this was the end of the interview, as she had to catch a private helicopter outside, which would take her back to her lair.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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