Merseyside Police on high alert

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Today chief superintendent Curly Shell of the Merseyside Police said his constabulary has started preparations for an expected increase in crime the weekend of 28th September in the city.
He added "Our partners in the Police Service of Northern Ireland have passed us intelligence and information, of a body of men crossing the Irish sea for a weekend of wanton destruction, cheap booze and dodgy kebabs.
In the past number of years Liverpool has become accustomed to pissed up Ulstermen on the streets of Liverpool but this time public order units of the PSNI have been drafted in to deal with any incidents, echoing the unprecedented move of English police officers deployed on the streets of Belfast during 2016s 'flag protests'
4 stations across the city have had "NISSAN" style huts erected within their facilities lto house any arrested revellers during the operation in which officers are calling it "long sesh"
Merseyside side Police have been given training on what's normal for this type of surge in "men away from their wives" from Ulster. And also what's not not normal, the superintendent added "our colleagues in the PSNI have told us that if one of the Ballymena men buy a drink , that this in indicative of the situation worsening"
"The strategy we are going to use, is containment, if we can keep them supping beer in the one area of the city we could handle it. It's when we have pockets of them operating independently, eyoooo! ing round the city and acting the maggot , then our resources will become stretched'
Police have also issued posts on social media warning females from 19 - 90 that they may encounter cheers of "Gis a buck at ye" although they may not have a clue what this means, it's important not to make eye contact and continue walking. And if they find themselves captured by an arm round the neck and repeats of your gorgeous, that this will only be temporary and the dipso will likely vomit and pass out quite soon.
The Mayor of Liverpool had tried to deploy theha UK anti terrorism troops in the city but due to unknown reasons this won't happen. One soldier in the crack unit believed to be from 22SAS, said "fuck that we said, were not getting involved in that, I know half them cunts"
For more information visit
www.merseysidecops.gov.uk

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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