Breaking News!! Neil deGrasse Tyson arrested after reportedly sexually assaulting himself inside a planetarium
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Neil "deGross" Tyson, disgraced astrophysicist known for his boring ass show 'Cosmos', has been arrested for continuously sexually assaulting himself inside a live planetarium show. NYPD showed up to the Hayden Planetarium in Manhattan fully armed and ready to fire as deGrasse Tyson barricaded the doors with an unknown assailant. Sources say he was watching a educational presentation about the Planet Venus within the planetarium when he was seen with lotion and his black hands in his front pants. An eye witness said that Tyson was confused because he thought the presentation was about tennis star Venus Williams instead of about Venus the planet, and proceeded to tear his pants off, stood on his seat and started whipping his pants around fully naked like a wild gorilla. He only became more sexually aggressive as the presentation went on and people soon began evacuating as he beat his meat violently against a telescope. Cops are still looking for his unknown assailant who quickly fled the scene. Witnesses say that the unknown person was none other than NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, who said while fleeing "I've been asking Lebron to hang but he hasn't responded so I chose my fellow nigga Neil to hang out with instead. I have a sad penis because his dick I mean Lebron won't hang with me.....Fuck!! the police are here, every man for himself "
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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