Kennett Township Approves the Building of Over a Dozen More Banks this Summer
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At 11:03pm this past Sunday the Kennett Township council approved the plans to open 14 more banks within the next few months. Officials claim the extra financial institutions will help to grow the community and bring more small business opportunities into the area.
"We really feel that the more banks the better" said Dirk Smorgley, township camptroller. "Many times a bank or credit union may be reluctant to lend money to a small business in excess of a few thousand dollars, so now we are hoping that somebody needing that money could take out five, ten, or even fifteen smaller loans in order to get that new pizza oven or re-stock the toilet paper in their bathrooms", "Our overall goal is to have a single bank for every ten citizens in the township"
Those that attended the meeting will have noted that at least five of the banks to be built are located on real estate that already contains a bank. Three of those five are set to be demolished within the next few weeks and the other two are most likely to be dealt with in the same way due to building conditions that Dave Easleberry, regional manager of BUM, described as "too far gone", adding: "The location we looked at had dirty carpet, and we couldn't find the vacuum so we're just going to tear it down and start fresh." The location also plans to include a drive-though lane that will be perpetually closed.
As of the time of this printing three of the banks have been bought out by foreign investors.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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