University of Illinois Chicago Has Lost Soccer Program:
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UIC has been notified by the NCAA that it must be put on probation for at least 10 consecutive seasons after severe cases of "Turf Toe" have risen. These cases are unknown, but when talking with class of 2019 signee, Peter Wagner, it is apparent that the toe is a very important body part in the program. Wagner mentioned that "On my visit, when I got one on one time with the players, they asked how I liked toes. I normally get self conscious about my fetish, but here, it felt like home. I think that the turf toe could have been passed along through mouth-to-mouth contact." Regardless of the situation, it is apparent that UIC recruits to their system, which just may happen to revolve around feet. We will keep you updated as we find out more.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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