BREAKING: Kyrie Irving fined for pissing away his career and sexually assaulting himself

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Kyrie Irving, the immature point guard of Brooklyn Nets, has been fined after repeatedly pissing away his career and then pissing on the rest of his teammates. After his childish antics of being a no-show and unresponsive towards his coach and Nets organization, Irving is in hot water (possibly filled with his own piss) for also sexually assaulting himself in the Nets locker room after their thrilling win over the Bucks. Sources say coach Nash spotted Kyrie upon entering the locker room but after his final stroke and letting out a screech, Irving suddenly vanished through thin air and has not been seen since.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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