"PAUL RYAN BOTTOMED FOR ME IN COLLEGE"
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Roger Whalehung, a former college buddy of the House Speaker, has come forward and stated that Paul Ryan and he spent their concurrent school years "Embraced in the agony of coitus" on "Too many occasions to count". Mr. Whalehung, speaking to FOX news today said, "Yeah, Pauly boy was a good guy, would do anything for a pal. Literally anything." When FOX's Sean Hannity, nervously stuttering and breaking out in a lustful cold-sweat, asked him if he could elaborate further, Mr. Whalehung added, "Oh, Pauly boy was a total bottom. If the term Power-Bottom could apply to anyone it would be Pauly boy there. I barely had to move. He basically slammed his rear against me over and again, back and forth, unrelenting. He was really insatiable." It was at this point that Sean Hannity suddenly threw his head back with his mouth agape, letting out a squealing moan while violently twitching. "Oh my god," Said Mr. Whalehung, "That's the exact sound Pauly boy used to make at the moment of... well, you know."
When Sean Hannity finally regained his composure he looked to the camera with a scowl, sweat still dripping from his brow and mouthed the word "Daddy" before turning to Mr. Whalehung and thanking him, adding, "If possible, I'd like to privately receive a personal statement from you after the show." Hannity then licked his lips and loosened his tie while Mr. Whalehung leered aggressively.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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