Op-Ed: Russia wants to repair American Democracy. And we only need an hour alone inside the The Pentagon's web servers to do so.
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"Russia wants to repair American Democracy. And we only need an hour alone inside the The Pentagon's web servers to do so." By Fourth General Commamder of The Great Russian Imperial Army Cesar Nunez
As a US citizen and patriot at the age of 16 I felt the best way to serve my country was by joining Russian special forces and committing dozens war crimes in Chechnya and Syria.
It was in The Russian Special forces I learned commitment, hardwork, and how to track a Chechnyan spy through the thick unforgiving forests of Siberia in the middle of cruel January winters for weeks on end. Gathering intelligence until the time was right. And that same night I'd slit the man's throat and bathe in his blood.
After two years in Special forces I worked my way up to the Fourth General Commamder of The Great Russian Imperial Army and was selected to be apart President Vladimir Putin's cabinet as an intelligence and propaganda advisor.
Today American democracy is both useless and incomptent. The world is laughing at you and your useless recycled automobile parts. Today Russia is number one exporter in world of recycled automobile parts. While United State American is 93rd in being world exporter of recycled automobile parts!
It is clear the world is laughing at us and our inability to export old Soviet automobile parts to Mongolia and East Africa for refurbishing so we can reuse them in our war tanks to commit ethinic cleansing in The Balkan peninsula. (Which those hippie bastards at The UN need to stop meddling their god damn hippie noses in!)
In order to repair incomptent American Democracy we first need to let computer engineers from the Russian Intelligence Office have unfettered and unsupervised access to The Pentagon's webservers for at least 45 minutes. To help make America's internet ready to export "recycled automobile parts".
While some Americans, espicially those tricky spook bastards who work in The American intelligence community, are skeptical. And claim this is simply a lazy espionage operation. We did the same thing in 2017. After gifting President Trump with a $200 dollar Mcdonalds gift card. President Trump gave us 90 minutes alone with various US State Department and CIA webservers. And The US went from being 95th in exporting recycled automobile parts to 93rd by 2019.
It's your choice America! Call your congressman! Write your senators! Your Recycled automobile parts industry and incomptent western sytle Democracy are at stake!
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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