Steve Bannon Institutes Federal Religion: Followers Will Be True Citizens; Others To Go On Watchlist
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Self-described "apocalypse-lover," Steve Bannon, and chief advisor and Candy Land opponent to the President has just finished talks with Trump on how to devise a federal religion that will be part of the law under Trump's administration. While signing up for the new religion is entirely voluntary, Bannon warned that those that refuse to participate in the federal religion will be put on a watchlist, with possible deportations in the future.
Trump and Bannon have yet to come up with a name for the religion, but they're expecting to use it to "phase out," or as Trump put it, "completely destroy" other religious adherence in the United States. Said Bannon, "all religions that aren't at least partnering with the federal one we're devising, will be phased out. We won't be tolerating them, because they're not safe for our country. We need to be mindful of security. A federal religion is the way to do that. Soon, every religious thought you have will be registered and known, and if it isn't, well, ICE will be paying you a visit."
President Trump is said to have been very excited by the prospect of this new religious legislation, and he hopes that everyone will enjoy making America great, by coming together under his new theocratic institutions. He believes that most Americans will enjoy the unity of this religion, as well as the high standard of living that it will set for everyone. When asked what he thought would be most appealing to the average American about this new faith path, Trump said, "People are going to love it. It's going to be huge. There's going to be no Muslims. There's going to be a portrait of me in the vestibule of each and every place of worship. All the female worshippers will dress like women. Every pulpit will be decked out in gold. Gold everywhere. People are going to donate so much money! They're going to just shower that golden pulpit with money! It's going to be a great American church."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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