Beloved Baking Mascot Dies
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We've recently had many tragic deaths in recent years, be it Robin Williams' life, Johnny Depp's career and Colin Kaepernick's dignity. But recent news from Minnesota reveals the tragic fall of another beloved hero. Poppin' Fresh, better known by his stage name "Pillsbury Doughboy", died of yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 75 years old.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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