Soup League Week 8
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Welcome back to power rankings ladies and gentleman. I apologize for the delay, I was extremely busy begging for puss on the mean streets of Chicago this week. Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns.
1. NPC Juns
In what may come as a shock to most, our analytics place the NPC Juns as the team to beat this week. After a convincing victory over fellow Kank resident Ethan McFleeceniggkankcarkeyly, Soup Times reporter SheenGard had a sit down with CoachCuz. "Tell me, what makes this team so damn special? Why the hell are they so beast?" Gard asked. "Well, it really comes down to comradery. I take my boys out to KAMS every Friday night, and it's ritual that they all rub up on the backside of Kara Duvall before receiving their dark magic curse from Kaitlin Crane." Safe to say these boys mean business.
2. Rick's Bricks
What else need be said? This hillbilly can't stop winning. James and Dalvin Bik went back to Gilbert's to get themselves right, as they've been struggling lately. After 10 steaks eaten and 7 Mexicans shot in the head, they're ready to play their best ball.
3. Hutsonville Jeep Repair
Tough week for these boys. Losing to Tard Hull hurts, but they aren't worried at all. They step into Kank to battle the old roomie in what should be a barn burner. Obi-Jan Kenobi is primed to put the saber to Darth Niggley's throat, if now that Emperor Diggs is out of the picture.
4. Illini Pantry Bandits
The Bandits did their best to put the fraud allegations to bed, but some still have questions about this team. The addition of Stefon Duelm bodes well for the Bandits, but poorly for the 17 year old girls of Wilmette. Sources say Stefon Duelm was seen at the local Mette tavern, gripping a woman's arse until his knuckles turned white. He denies all allegations.
5. Kankakee Diggers
A tough loss for the Diggers leaves them at 4-3 with an underwhelming amount of points. A trade lifts their prospects, but we are yet to see how fruitful it will be. If history repeats, we should see a brand new and improved Diggers squad. Inside sources tell me Calvin Ridley will be forced to take 3 chops and a shotgun this Sunday in an attempt to stunt his production.
6. Kank Tags
It's been a long time coming, but the Tags are slowly twerking back into the picture. With their big three of Russ, Drake London and Fat Zeke, they look to make some noise against the floundering Gynecologists. Coach Heinisch said he wants to rally his troops around a flurry of dunkaroos and union pride.
7. Jim Rub's Gynecologists
After getting trounced in week 7, the Gynecologists are desperately searching for answers. Coach Damn LiDaniel kidnapped Kendall Jenner from joes to give to his boys as a mood stabilizer, but before the lads could have their way, he had to check to make sure her downstairs was clean. He channeled his Gynecology knowledge and was able to save her from a life ending puss disease that had gone unchecked.
8. Carmela Heinisch
This teams projections are faker than Eric's "hatred" of Anton, he def loves and makes out with him all the time. I literally saw it at homecoming. ESPN telling Rick his team is projected 140 is the equivalent of me telling chicks on Hinge that I have a 10 inch pipe. I can't wait to see them post 112 points against the DuFrauds this week.
9. 63rd Kingston Hypes
Stupid ass fucking midget fuck. Doesn't set his lineup and starts Latavius Murray but somehow suns Hutsonville. I'm gonna kill this little btag! Somebody fuck this kid up already
10. DuFraud
Bro traded Josh Jacobs for Tyler Lockett and now starts Rhamdre and this absolute rando Rams puss with Lockett on the bench. This guy is a fantasy retard
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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