Local Facebook Group Moderator Held Hostage, Police Refuse to Respond or Negotiate.
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7/15/2017--Palestine, Tx.
A local man has been taken hostage by an apparently angry Palestine man that was banned from a small local interest Facebook page. Eyewitness reports say that a man, whose name has not been released at this time, is being held hostage inside a Palestine donut shop. All that we are able to get at this time is a physical description of the victim, a 5'11" portly man with a big yellow head. Customers who ran out of the shop when the first shots were fired all say that the victim had a stupid grin on his face that creeped them out.
The gunman has been yelling out of the window that he wants to be allowed back onto a local Facebook page called 'Happening Now in Anderson County,TX!', after being unfairly kicked out. We have been unable to verify if the fluffy yellow headed man is responsible for the banning, but others that are familiar with the page say that he is generally an unfair and abusive moderator and that they could see something like this coming. Unconfirmed reports state that most of his bannings come late at night, and it is a rumor that he imbibes heavily on some of those nights. We will add more when we confirm those rumors.
Most shockingly, Palestine Police Dept. is refusing to respond to the scene at this time. They have a 'Back the Blue' event downtown and they say that the victim will be safe due the fact that he is in a donut shop. PPD spokesman Officer Dudley Doright stated,"We have confirmed that the hostage taker is all talk and that he will take no further action, as it is a real life situation, and not behind a keyboard." "The so-called victim seems to be enjoying the donuts and kolaches, and has shown no distress at this time". Officer Doright added,"We have extensive background knowledge of these types of keyboard warriors and feel that they are harmless when they are not in their mother's basements, and the victim is a known donut junkie. We will respond and check out the scene when we are through with this important event. We may even send McGruff the Crime Dog, as he still owes us 2 hours of work due to the rainstorm".
We are on scene at the donut shop and will bring you further details as this terrible situation develops.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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